Not So Beauty Pageant
by Mrs. Salvatore
Summary: What happens when Alice signs the Cullens up for a Beauty Pageant? Will jealousy blossom? Will things get heated up? And WHO will win? BXE EmXRo AXJas JacXRe EsXC
1. Miss Washington

**Taking a shot at comedy. This chapter won't be that funny, cause its just introducing, yada yada yada. **

**This is a prequel to Little-Alice-Vampie's _Wife Swap_. Good reads there, REALLY funny. She's my friend in RL and she wanted me to do this, so here it is!**

**I don't own Edward ):. Or any of the other characters for that matter.**

**BPOV**

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I couldn't speak. I couldn't _believe_ Alice would do something so humiliating, so stereotypical as entering us in a beauty pageant. Sure enough, one of us would win, but what is so fun about it? Walking around in frilly tutus singing showtunes? Strutting the stage with nothing but a bathing suit on? This was going to be the most humiliating week of my life.

She signed all us girls up…. And Emmett, Jasper, and Jacob. Jasper was clearly pissed, his emotions were bouncing off the walls, EVERYONE was pissed. But Emmett was a different story. He was running around the house – frolicking is the better word to describe it – singing "I'M GONNA BE A BEAUTY QUEEN!" Jacob was about to rip Alice's head off. The only reason Edward isn't going to be joining us is because 1. He read her thoughts in time to find a thorough excuse not to, which is 2. Take care of Nessie. And Carlisle because he had to work. It's at times like these where I wish I had an excuse.

"You SIGNED US UP FOR A _BEAUTY PAGEANT_???" I yelled at Alice, whose face was hadn't changed even though I practically made her deaf in BOTH ears.

"Yep!!!!" Alice said with enthusiasm. Emmett was still frolicking. Idiot.

"Alice…." I started to try to talk her out of it.

"Nope, the deal is done, Bella. No backing out. Ha, lucky I learned to forge your signature in time." Alice chirped. She was going to pay.

"Fine. I'll enter your beauty pageant. But don't think you're not going to pay for this." I said between my teeth. Alice's smile widened.

"_If_ you can get passed my visions." Damn. I forgot about those. Maybe I'll make Jacob think of an idea for me.

"C'mon guys, we're going to be late!" Emmett yelled, way too excited. Suddenly I felt anticipation. Jasper. I growled in his direction.

"That isn't fair!" I growled.

"Oh, and you think it's fair when I get all the emotions from you and Edward when you're in your cottage having 'alone time'?" Jasper shot back. Emmett burst into laughter.

"Oh, so THAT'S why you throw yourself at Alice every night!" Emmett said, giggling. If I could blush, my whole face would be red right now. Emmett nudged my arm.

"Okay, let's get into the car! PLEASE!" Alice begged. Too enthusiastic. I gave Edward one last kiss and I hugged Renesmee. I was really going to miss them. "Come ON Bella, STOP fantasizing about Edward and GET IN THE CAR!" She was already starting to bug me. One week of sharing a room with her is pure torture.

"I'll see you in a week. We love you." Edward whispered, and I let go of his hand. I stepped into the yellow Porsche that would lead me to Hell.

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**So, what did you think of that? It's gonna get a LOT funnier as the chapters go by, i promise (:.**

**--VampireLovex3**


	2. Bottles & Hotels

Rawr.

I'm baaaaaaaaack ! (:

Sorry for the insanely long update. Writer's block has gotten the best of me. ):'

Little Alice Vampie's story: Wife Swap is a sequel to this ! GO CHECK IT OUT OR DIEEEEE !!!

**Disclamer: Unfortunately, I don't own the characters of twilight. Or New Moon... or Eclipse... or Breaking Dawn...**

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BPOV

The car ride was unusually quiet. I looked out the window as we drove out of Forks. The Miss Washington Beauty Pageant was in Seattle, and it was an hour drive. Fun. I looked over at Alice, who was bouncing up and down in her seat. Typical Alice. I rolled my eyes, smirking.

"Ohmygod, I'msoexcitedforthisbeautypageantihopeiwinandohmygodemmettandjasperwillbeHILARIOUS!" She said excitedly. I saw Jasper glare at her evilly. Emmett gave Alice an agreeing smile.

"I wonder what color my evening gown will be!! Oooh, I hope its blue! Or... RED! No, wait... PINK!!!!" Emmett said, just as hyper. "Pink REALLY brings out my eyes." He had a dreamy look in his eyes. Jasper glared at him.

"...You need help." He said to Emmett, looking about ready to murder him right there.

"NO, I need matching shoes, DUUUHHH!" Emmett replied, rolling his eyes. I stifled a laugh. _Emmett will bring a lot of laughs_, I thought evilly.

"Alice, your dress should soooooo be purple!" Emmett said, turning to Alice. "It really complements your eyes!"

"Emmett, we all have the same color eyes..." I said, raising my eyebrows.

"We do?" He asked, confused. Rosalie giggled. I rolled my eyes. He gave us a confused look, and turned back to Alice for more planning. I looked at Rosalie and Jasper, who were looking bored and annoyed.

"I really don't want to do this," I sighed. Rosalie and Jasper shot daggers at Alice in agreement.

Minutes passed by. Alice was now singing--no, SCREAMING-- 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall. She's done this so much, we've learned to tune her out. I know. Our lives suck.

"23 bottles of beer on the wall, 23 bottles of-- OH, LOOK, WE'RE HERE!!!!!!!" Alice squealed, interrupting that dreadful song she insists to sing EVERY. FREAKING. CAR RIDE.

I looked out the window, and to my absolute horror, I saw the hotel. I sighed, and sunk down in my seat, wishing this was just some horrible nightmare. Oh, wait. I can't sleep. We stepped out of the car, pulling our luggage of the trunk.

"Oh, that reminds me. Alice, what did you do with my socks? They're all mismatched..." I asked her. She looked at me, giving me a sheepish smile, and walked quickly to Jasper. Before I could say anything, I was greeted by an agent. A very FLAMBOYANT agent... who was eying Jasper and Emmett like a hunter seeing its prey.

"Hey, guysss!" He said, rushing over to us, putting much emphasis on the last S of that word. "I'm Craig, and I'm your agent! This is the... first time we've ever had men in the Miss Washington pageant... it's a big change... but... I like it." He winked at the guys, and they grabbed their wife's hands possessively. He ignored that, and moved closer.

"I'm just gonna show you to your rooms." He said, checking his clipboard. "Okay, it says here that Isabella Cullen is rooming with Rosalie Hale. Alice Cullen is rooming with Katrina Hart. And Emmett Cullen is rooming with Jasper Hale." I looked at Rosalie and smiled. I wasn't rooming with Alice, yes! Some sanity will be kept, finally.

"Oooooh! I get to meet new people!" She squealed, jumping up and down. "I'm gonna have SO much fun! First, I'm gonna give her a makeover! Then we're gonna..." Her voice trailed off as she walked up the stairs to her hotel room. Rosalie and my room was room 487. We headed up, carrying our luggage. Rosalie's was overstuffed with clothes and shoes and hair products, whilst mine was barely even filled. We got into her hotel room, which, to my pleasure, had a balcony, and I heard Alice in the room beside me.

"HI, I'm Alice!!! Ohmygod, we're gonna have SOO much fun together! Do you want me to give you a makeover now or later?" She asked, and I could hear her jumping up and down. "Can I raid your closet? OOOH, this is cute! I could hem it for you! I'll just start right now!!" I heard the faint sound of a sewing machine. "Oh, wait... I can't sew... OH WELL! Practice makes perfect, right?"

I could hear the girl cowering in the corner.


End file.
